Saturday, April 1

outside today

I meditated outside;
The sky way half gray and the breeze had gotten cooler. I sat crosslegged facing a tree which stood crookedly facing the forest behind our house. I found out that my contacts would dry out if my eyes didn't move every 30 seconds or so, but it didn't bother me. I had read today that one should focus everything at the end of his nose. Be attentive to what is in front of him. I did this, but found myself fixating on different objects. A tree. The forest. The wind. A leaf. A clump of moss. A small fly on my knuckle. All of these things we beautiful, but they kept giving rise to concepts, summations. It was not till I tilted my head back ever so slightly and unfocused my eyes that I smiled.

I set a timer on my cell phone to go off after 5 minutes. I had found that, though I had a desire to meditate, my mind would continue going out of kilter wondering how long I had been sitting there. I felt that if I could reassure myself that the timer would fire, I would not worry about the time. I was right, and ironically, I did not hear the timer go off, though it was right next to me. I'm not sure how long I sat there. I stopped, and as I stood and stretched, the sky grew immediately dark. I could hear a strong wind approaching through the forests and it battered my back as I went in the back door. It began to rain soon after. I went inside and my mother offered me a brownie sundae. I'm not big on sweets, but I knew she wanted to make it for me. She likes making me food, I think; especially treats like that. So I accepted, and I'm eating my mother's love out of a bowl as I type. That does sound strange, doesn't it?

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