i know what i've been missing

it's the now; it's been eluding me, but here it is. I'm tired and my body aches. The responsibilities of school and the expectations of our social structure have been beating on my psyche. my trips to the gym have exhausted me.

i've been feeling like something was missing as of late; something was in the way. i get that way sometimes. i understand now, though (but i'll probably forget it again and start the cycle over soon). i was trying to make now into something it wasn't. something holy or divine. i was trying to convert "now" into what i thought it "should" be. but now doesn't have to be anything because now isn't anything. my words scrape at it, they approach it, but they'll never reach it because now is the sublime everything and nothingness of the present moment. now is the music in my speakers. the glow of my monitor. now is the tapping of my keyboard and the aching in my arms, my legs. now is suffering, now is peace. now is